I don't know how i ever got through the first trimester of my pregnancy with Kailee without worrying so much. Maybe i didn't know as much i do these days - but I'm going insane. I'm trying to be excited, I'm bringing a new life into the world in 8mths. It's so hard tho, when James is so down and depressed about this all. Sure, i understand this isn't what he expected but it's happened and now we need to accept it and go from here. Every time i talk to him i get the feeling he resents me, like i did this behind his back or something. We were both equal parties in this, both discussing having a baby, etc. Little did i know he wasn't serious like i may have been. At the end of the day tho, I'm pregnant now and we're having a baby. Surely there's something in there to be happy about - i just wish James could find it. It's hard for me to be happy when i feel like I'm ruining his life :(
My morning sickness has eased, i can stomach some foods - tho not everything right now. The heartburn has gone, thanks to my wonderful 3.5yo daughter Kailee praying for me, i can honestly say i was instantly healed. It's amazing the faith our children have and the miracles they can perform! I'm so glad we've taught her to pray and believe in God. Now the only thing that hasn't been easing, is the stretching pains.... funny how i didn't notice them with my first pregnancy, but they are constant now with my 2nd. The pains aren't too extreme so nothing I'm worrying about - tho I'm eager to have my first ultrasound (u/s) to see that the baby is where s/he is supposed to be and confirm my due date. Maybe even see a heartbeat as well. I'm impatient and wish i could go now lol Maybe at tomorrow's Dr appt i will see about going in the following week and getting an u/s referral. I just hope the next week flys by so i can see my little "blob" on the screen.
After having a really crappy, down nite last nite, i took my last FRER (First Response Early Result) pregnancy test and felt a whole lot better after seeing the line. Considering a week ago the test line was faint - but definitely there. Now looking at a test there really only is a test line - its stealing all the dye from the control line. So that's definitely a good sign my HSG (pregnancy hormone) levels are increasing as they probably should. It's amazing, there's so much to stress about, over analyze and worry over when it comes to being pregnant. And time just drags on..... How am i going to get through another 6.5wks of this?? Someone keep me occupied. Please?!?
So as my leaving gift to u all (for putting up with reading all my depressing, random bloggings) here's my last pregnancy test. Hopefully i wont subject you to anymore lol Maybe :P
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