Missing someone

Saturday 17.01.09

It's crazy how much you can miss someone when they aren't around. You realise how much you taken what you have for granted. I hate the moments i have to myself when i just think, it's usually just random depressing thoughts - but things that make u re=evaluate your life. I dread the thought of not having James to wake up next to every morning and kiss goodnight before going to sleep. I hate that our lives become so routine. Sometimes i wonder if he really wants a baby or its something he goes along with for my sake. Of course i want all these meaningful "girly" things in life - marriage, a child to the love of my life..... but i want that to be something we both want. Sure, i can hold off on the marriage thing, but why do i want the baby thing so bad? I rationalize by stating that i can get married while at uni, but havign a baby and studying is harder - and of course that's that i truely feel. I guess i'm just clucky and dont want to feel at a standstill, like my relationship is on "pause". Regardless of having a baby now or not, I just want to be with James and not feel like I'm boring him or holding him back. Maybe i need to think of ways to make him feel more appreciated and spend more time with him. So here goes nothing... BBL