Exhausted

Thursday 26.02.09

These past few days have been exhausting, both physically AND emotionally. I wont go into details, but i'm bout at the point where i want to scream! Some people are still being "downers" and saying horrible things. What did i expect tho - not everyone is happy and i'm sure it's only going to get worse once James tells his family i'm pregnant. Not my biggest fans at all. It's crazy tho, i'm that exhausted i can't seem to drag myself out of bed in the mornings and within an hour of waking up i want to go straight back to sleep. Tho at nitetimes i can't seem to sleep. Somehow i need to get my body clock back into some kinda routine.

I'm off to visit the folks for a couple days tomorrow which will be nice. I need to pay for my train ticket to go to Brisbane next week and spend time with my other family - the Evans' family! Then i have Sarah's baby shower and home again. So much running around i have to do tomorrow tho, centrelink (and hand in a form they already have - stupid ppl), post a bday gift to the U.S. and hopefully sleep. I could do with a whole year of it lol

I have good and bad days - sometimes the stress of everything just seems to get to me and i want to scream. I had a meltdown the other nite cuz i couldn't take it anymore. I dont know what to do, or what the heck i'm fighting for anymore. I'm alone now and i dont see that changing anytime in the next 8mths, regardless of how many times i tell James i want him involved in this pregnancy and OUR baby. So i figure i can't make him, so i'm going to step back and when he's ready to be involved he'll take that step. If he doesn't, then i'm sure i can pull through.

Time to get this body clock back into shape...... it's midnite and i need to sleep!! Sooo excited, my first u/s (ultrasound) is tomorrow (Friday), not getting my hopes up too much as we might not see anything, but fingers crossed we might spot a heartbeat. I'm sure i'll update here as soon as i have time after the scan - thank heavens this past week just flew by and i didn't have to wait long :)