Crushed

Thursday 29.01.09

Just when things seem to be going great, everything is pulled out from under you! James just told me last night that he wants to move out for a while but doesn't want to break up. I'm scare this is just a 'cover' for "I don't want to be with you anymore". I knew he was dealing with some things atm in his own head but didn't realise he'd been thinking of moving out - what a shock that was!! Why do i keep making myself vulnerable and then getting hurt? I dont want James to go anywhere but i can't make him stay either. I don't want to have to prepare myself for being single again - he says it wont happen, i'm not so sure. I hate letting my guard down, only to get trampled on. How am i going to handle not having James around? I don't want to be single! How do i explain all this to Kailee who absolutely loves James? How do i make her not feel deserted too? I don't understand how i couldn't see this coming - am i that naive? I keep feeling like maybe i don't deserve to be happy and maybe he'd be better off without me. Maybe time apart will help - i can only hope. But what if it just makes things worse? Then i have to pick myself up off the floor all over again! *sigh*