Finally some updates :P

Tuesday 28.04.09

I'm sorry, i've been awful at keeping my blog updated when it comes to me and the going on's in my life lately. Sooooo much has happened, lots which i really wasn't in any mood to really talk about, but i'm in a better place emotionally now and can quickly get it out, updating everyone and then leave it behind me - where it can stay lol.

Long story short - i moved house. I cannot express enuff just how emotionally and physically draining that was. My folks were amazing n mum helped scrub walls, etc while dad moved everything. If there was ever a time when it was the most evident that i was indeed single again it was moving house. Now i'm not the kind of person to run anyone down - regardless of what they do to me or put me through. James was great - financially.... but thats where it ended. Through the whole moving process, i didnt see him once. At the end of the day, i'm holding my head up knowing i got it done and it looked great when it was finally finished.

Not long after that i found out James had already moved on.... fair enuff, it was gonna happen one day. Didn't make it hurt any less tho. Esp when he was still filling my head with all his usual crap "I love you" "I miss you" etc etc. One would say i was silly and naive for thinking he wasn't 'just another guy' (for all you decent guys out there.... i know ur not 'just another guy' so dont stress - uno who u are! ... Prashant, Daniel, Cameron, etc) and to be perfectly honest, i was hoping he wasn't the jerk he was starting to evidently become. Yep, that's me, naive! So he moved on.... it happens, life continues and we're still having a baby together, although he'd continue to tell me he'll be there for his child and come to appt's concerning the baby etc he really wasn't showing any interest in being there at all.

The final straw i guess was when i was laying in a hospital bed, hooked up to a drip of fluids, rushed up there dehydrated and very sick. I hadn't eaten or drank in days and as much as i wanted to force something into my stomach, i couldn't. Never again do i want to feel like this :( So there i was, laying in hospital, waiting to hear back about all my tests that were done when i was first taken in, and i get a message from who else but James - telling me i'm spiteful and controlling (c'mon, i'd easily admit when provoked i can be :P) n that he wants nothing to do with his child or me for that matter. I told him to at least do the right thing by his baby and his reply was that no, i'll never see him again and to have a nice life. Just the thing to make my nite in hospital all the more exciting - not! At this point i wasn't shocked, i knew for some time he didnt want to be involved but wasn't able to say it to me himself... finally he said it.

Now, after all that had happened, i'd found out some things about James i hadn't known the whole 1.5yrs we'd known each other and been together. Finding out he'd lied to me the whole time hurt, i wasn't going to let this new girl believe all she hears about me - no doubt i'm portrayed by James and his family (i.e. mother) as some kind of fire-breathing dragon. So she might as well hear some things from me - i messaged her ;) Prolly not the most noble of actions, but at least she's heard my side - whether she believes it or not is her issue... i have nothing to gain from lying about anything. No doubt this is why James started with his nasty text messages....

....Now the most amusing part of this was when the new girl (i wont say girlfriend.... since i'm sure its prolly not even that - James has some committment issues in every extent) messaged me saying that before i ask him for child support i will need to get a DNA test to prove it's his baby cuz "who knows where you've been". I have one word for that - hilarious!! Silly thing is - i'll do just that, get a DNA test. It'll look kinda stupid going to court for a DNA test when we both know its his baby. At least then he'll have a "report" to keep in his records stating its his baby - no denying that then! Why some ppl want to try lying their way through life i'll never understand - but its a road that'll only take them in circles - they'll get nowhere! Stupidly, he mustn't realise that DNA tests aren't cheap.... and the biological father pays for the test. If only he would just man up to his responsibilities n do the right thing - but then he would need to have morals and values. Those, are lacking.

On the upside, the stress of keeping him involved in every aspect of having a baby - choosing a name, antenatal appts, etc - is no longer there as i dont have to talk to him about anything. I can make my own choices regarding my child and this pregnancy. After a rough couple wks being sick, i'm on the mend and able to start putting weight back on. In a max of 5days i lost at least 6kgs (or 13lbs)... now i can stomach food and fluids again :D I still have my fair share of everyday stresses, but nothing compared to those horrific weeks explained above. *sigh* I'm now nearly 15wks pregnant and little bean is becoming quite the kicker. It's not often i get a bit "boot" from him/her, but when i do its amazing. Those first few kicks are indescribable! I can't wait to feel little bean lots more over the coming weeks. In 4wks also i have my BIG scan.... hopefully the little on will cooperate and we'll get a 'peek' at whats cooking - a cheeseburger (girl) or hot dog (boy).

I'll keep u all updated, but for now it's after 1.30am and i need to go steal my bed back from the snoozing 4yo (Kailee) in it. Gotta love her - she fought sleep for soooooooo long tonite, only to crawl under the blankets and be sleeping in not even a whole minute lol Kids are crazy sometimes!! *hugs*