baby growth

Monday, April 6, 2009

Beyond Exhausted

Monday 06.04.09

I havent been checking in nearly as much as i should have and i'm sorry - i'm slack lol Finally i have finished moving all of my stuff and cleaning the old house. Still tho i am staying with my parents while i get the money together to move into a new place of my own. Its so stressful, so expensive, and so draining! I have been running on "empty" for the past couple wks and i'm just kinda waiting for the point where i just collapse and can't go any further. I dont think ppl realise just how damn stressful it is doing this on my own, with a 4yo in tow, pregnant again and with no help from James at all. My folks have been great - dad moved all my stuff, mum has been scrubbing walls with me non stop for 2wks. Other than that, id hate to think i had friends to rely on lol That sure sucks!!

These hormones are running wild inside me atm. I dont take any crap from anyone and all these smart ass remarks and comments and whinging and complaining i hear just make me want to scream and strangle someone. Here's just a few from this week alone *sigh*.......

* I've had one lady (from church mind u *shocked*) tell me "Praise God" when i said James and I had split. She told me she was happy we'd split and thought it was a good thing, and when i told her it wasn't since i'm now having his baby she had the audacity to ask "Are u sure its his?" WHAT THE F*$K?? I wasn't impressed - and told her straight out that she shouldn't make such horrible assumptions and how many ppl did she think i was sleeping with. She stated i may have already found someone else and been "bedding" them. Whoa! Where do some ppl come from?? I told her to thinki first next time and not say things like that, esp if they may hurt someone feelings - good thing i'm tough and dont let busy bodies get the better of me!!

* A bit of background, for those that dont know.... Kailee has an intolerance to gluten and dairy (and thats what we know of). If she doesnt take her vitamins (vitamin C is great, but the magic one is her fish oil "lollies") then she will be constipated for DAYS!! To the point where shes screaming, wont sleep etc. She's had this since she stopped breastfeeding at 3mths old and even gotten to the point where she developed an infants equilivent to haemorroids and tears (yep, there!!) - there's nothing more frightening than changing a nappy and theres blood! :( I can honestly say that 99.9% of the time we have it all under control.... its those odd occasions when she doesnt have her vitamins that she has trouble doing a poo. (A little TMI [too much info] is sure to come guys, be warned!) I hate when shes in pain and having so much trouble, the amount of undies i have to wash as she tries her hardest to hold it in and NOT poo, but does little by little. These are the times when shes having so much trouble that it smells worse than any other "normal" poo. Poo Kailee was in lots of pain and some lady had the nerve to make fun of her (once again at church - different lady tho) and tell her not to come near her. Wow - one way to make mum angry. I told her Kailee has a medical problem and to show a bit more sympathy. Mind u this lady is quite away of Kailee's medical dramas - shes a close family friend and Kailee's creche leader. *sigh*

* The amount of friends i have complaining about money, other friends, ra ra ra. C'mon, look on the bright side guys. *Cameron i'm not talking bout u here dude, complain away :P* Sometimes it's just so draining listening to ppl being so negative when whatever they are complaining about really isnt that bad. I hate complaining TO ppl, since i dont want to sound like a whinger or just a sad sack lol Life goes on, and theres always someone out there much worse off - we need to remeber that. We may need money to live life comfortably - but dont whinge to me about it atm, i'm staying with my parents cuz i cant afford to move into my own plave straight away, i'm flat broke from moving and i am still raising a 4yr old on my own as well as having to buy baby stuff from scratch again. I dont have the wealthy families some ppl have to help out when its needed and in alot of ways i'm glad. I dont want to rely on the to buy me baby stuff or give me money to move. This is my life and i need to take control of it - i'm an adult and capable of pushing through no matter what i come against. At the end of the day, Kailee has clothes on her back, food in her belly and a roof over her head and lots of love around her - who cars if i have a car, go on wonderful holidays, the most delicious expensive food, fancy clothes etc. Then there's those ppl who complain about their partners or husbands - FFS, at least u have one. Whether ALL he does is the dishes and nothing else, its something. If he ONLY puts the kids in the bath but nothing else - its better than nothing at all. I cant stand these ppl saying "I might as well be a single parent".... bloody hell, i dont think they'd cope on their own. GRRR

........ Anyhow off my soapbox for now. I'm sure there's more to complain about but i'll leave it at just that lol I'm exhausted and need a shower and to just relax. Hopefully theres something decent on tv tonite to watch or maybe i'll just read. Or sleep - now that sounds like a plan. Til later this week hopefully, if not sooner. *hugs* to all my wonderful friends. Cameron - chin up champ, it WILL get better, Trust me!! :)

xxxx

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