Antenatal Appt update :)

Friday 10.07.09

I had another antenatal appt earlier this week which was pretty much the same as it usually is. Measured my stomach, heard bubs heartbeat etc. My blood pressure is consistently rising, so the midwife wants to keep an eye on that. Appointments are now every 2wks (tho they weren't meant to start being that frequent for another 3wks yet), so i go back on July 21st for another checkup. Other than that, not much has changed - no swelling in my hands or feet, headaches has pretty much gone, no longer feeling sick, etc. I've had a few days this week where i have nearly passed out in town, which is totally frightening, but after a nice long sit down on the closest chair - i'm ok to get up and quickly get home. How embarrassing if u were to pass out in town - shame!

X is now head down - which explains the funny movements i felt last week when i guessed he was flipping around. He's got a few favourite moves he does over and over again that consist of headbutting my bladder and poking his butt out the top of my belly while kicking the other side at the same time. I feel HUGE and all this poking and stretching he's doing, only makes my belly hurt more as the skin stretches. It feels a whole lot better once i've put cream on my tummy - if only i could swim in the stuff lol.

I'm getting so impatient wanting to move - tho money is tight and im trying my best to save for a house. Only have to finish paying off X's carseat and i'm pretty much all set when it comes to buying baby things. I'd hate to add up all the money i've spent so far - but he's gonna be more than worth it. Serena (my best friend in Brisbane), is starting to plan my baby shower for next month (mid-August)..... i'm sure it'll be great and i can't wait for her to come stay for a few days. A nice kiddy-free weekend for her too which i'm sure she'll make the most of :)

So until my next appt in a bit over a week..... Here's a new belly pic taken this week, when i get time i'll make a slideshow of my 'bump' progress over the last 6mths :) xxx

I'm no longer Antisocial!

Friday 03.07.09

I am officially the world's worst blogger! :( I'm sure not many ppl read this, since its more for my benefit to look back on and read what what going through my head at any given time in this pregnancy with all the added dramas going on. There's not much to update on since a month or so ago, tho surely things have happened that i can ramble about for a while :P

Kailee is doing great, she's been really sick lately with more constipation issues. Poor munchkin :( I took her to the movies to see Ice Age 3 - mind u she thought counting popcorn in the dark was more exciting towards the end lol She was super excited to get a new haircut today as well which looks so cute, guess its my turn next week - its been about a year since i had a haircut - so i'm looking forward to a new 'do!

Xavier is proving to be a very active little guy. He's always kicking around meal times and when i'm laying in bed trying to sleep. He loves hearing Kailee and kicks lots when she's nearby being her usual loud self lol Mum and Kailee have both felt him kicking and its funny when i poke my tummy and he kicks back. It's a little game i think - cheeky little fella :P I have another antenatal appt on Tuesday to check everything is on track (which no doubt it is). Hopefully after that my appt's will be everty 2wks, otherwise i'll have to wait 4wks to hear X's heartbeat again - and 4wk waits suck!! I've only put on 3kg (after losing 6kgs at about 12wks preg - around the time i ended up in hospital one nite cuz i was sick), which i'm happy with. I so dont want to put on another 13kg like i did with Kailee.... not if i dont need to.

Wat else is new?? I've stopped being so damn anti-social lately!! I've been making time to spend with a really nice guy..... whether it be taking Kailee to Maccas or to the movies, or even having a 'Kailee-free' dinner out somewhere. He's really sweet, caring and funny, we have loads in common and get along really well. I enjoy him being around n Kailee thinks he's great. She even calls him "Stinky" and "Butthead" - so she must like him lol Least we got time to take things super slow before the little man makes his grand arrival in October..... til then i'm sceptical about starting a relationship while pregnant. Just means, i get to make the most of these next few months by hanging out and getting to know him more before jumping into a relationship or anything as serious. Who knows what may happen.... but for now, i gotta put my 1.5 munchkins first :D

Well thats about it for now, who knows when i'll be back but i'll try and update after my next antenatal appt with how everything is going with bub. Hopefully i see the dr there soon and find out if i'm gonna risk tearing by having another natural birth or c-section. No doubt they'll say Natural... OUCH lol but bring it on as long as it means i get to welcome Xavier into my little family :D

xxx

Little Wonders

Monday 01.06.09

I've been meaning to download this song for ages and finally did tonite. Its incredible. Hope u guys love it as much as i do - sit back and listen to the lyrics! :D *hugs*

The verdict is in...

Monday 01.06.09

I need some energy - plz, anyone?? I'm too lazy to get online, since that usually involves effort, so i only manage to get my butt to the computer every couple days, it's really slack lol So here i go writing an update before i get too slack and crawl back into bed for some reading.... bean is awake and kicking lots, so might go lay down and feel the little one jumping around in there for a while lol

My ultrasound last Wednesday went great. It was awful having to drink soooo much water and hang onto it, while some guy was pushing on my stomach. Definitely the worst part of ultrasounds i'd have to say. My mum, sister and Kailee came with me - i think mum was the most excited to see little "bean" on the screen again. Kailee and my sister just played around mostly lol. We got to see bubs nice big head (funny how babies look at 19/20wks), big round belly, feet, hands and face. Saw the heart beating nicely which was adorable! Bub measured nearly a week ahead and the scan showed i'm due around Oct 16th, no longer Oct 21st. So we'll see at my antenatal appt next week if they change that, or stick with the 21st. Oh and the guy doing the u/s got a quick peek at the "goods" and unfortunately for Kailee - doesn't look like she's getting a baby sister this time. Yet another brother for her lol Didnt surprise me, since i had a dream a couple days beforehand that i'd had a boy, and based on when i conceived, there was a good chance of this little one being a boy :D So i'm happy, i dont need to buy anymore frilly pink things - i get to venture to the land of blue!! YAY! So i've picked up a couple blue things - some green and some white as well (just in case - but based on the u/s pic, there looks to be too many "parts" for a baby girl lol). Will wait til closer to bubs due date to buy anymore clothes - i'm getting some given to me between now and then, so i might end up with loads :D

FINALLY i have settled on a name! Incredible how i could choose a girl's name straight away, but its seriously taken me nearly 20wks to choose a boys name. I think i'm quite happy with what i've come up with and it goes well with Kailee - which is the main thing. So already this little man is being known as "Xavier"..... full name is Xavier Cayden Errol - Errol after my mums dad who died 4mths before i was born. It'll be a bit of a mouthful when combined with my long last name - lets hope he wont need to ring off his full name too many times in his life tho. Same with Kailee Adena Louise lol If i ever have anymore kids, i should definitely shorten their names - tho i'll have a hubby to help with name choosing no doubt. But since this choise was mine solely, i'm stoked with it! Less hassle when u dont need to ask for someone else's opinion lol

Ironically, straight after my u/s, i went shopping and just so happened to be "shopping day" for James, his new gf (well im guessing thats who she is since they were holding hands lol) and his parents. Funny how some ppl react when they know ur shopping there as well, and they go outta their way to "avoid" u - damn, least i know i'm not the one with the problem. I can continue to hold my head up, knowing i've done the right thing all along and am the mature one. C'mon guys, seriously! I sure know how to pic guys who wont be real "dads" to their kids. Someone slap me lol I'm not going to let a few ppl who have no morals or respect drag me down and make me feel like i have to hide.... i'm better than that :P At the end of the day - i know im a great mum, i know i do the best for my kids and can manage without the half-assed effort of some man pretending he cares about his child/ren. Bring me a real man!!

I guess thats about all i need to keep everyone up to speed on. Not much else happens around here - if someone finds my energy be sure to send it my way so i can function a little better!! Oh i got Kailee's enrollment forms into Prep (preschool/kindy/etc) today - i can't believe she starts school in January. My big girl is growing up!! She can't wait, so better get the forms in and in a few months i'll need to get uniforms, books etc. I'm gonna be one busy mama once this little man arrives no doubt. Gotta love mummyhood tho :D

Belly Pics

Sunday 24.05.09

Well not much to hear from me for now, still getting impatient waiting for Wednesday to roll around so i can see Bean again and hopefully find out if Bean is a girl or boy. I wanna start buying clothes - blue or pink - not just white, yellow or green!! So for now, while we're waiting here are the 2 belly pics i've taken so far. Only very minimal change, mainly just the rounding at the top of my big fat tummy lol But i feel HUGE and bloated. Bring on the baby belly. :P

*First pic was taken at 13wk 6d pregnant, 2nd pic taken at 17wk 2d pregnant.*

Are we all "judges"?

Sunday 17.05.09

Of all places, you'd think church would be somewhere that you can go and be freely accepted for who u are - regardless of what ur past involves etc. The bible talks about forgiveness if u repent from ur wicked ways and loving one another. But in this day and age, i hate to say it but there's nothing further from the truth when u actually are in church and ur "wrong-doings" are on display for everyone to see. Lemme give u some background....

I was 19yo, a children's church and youth group leader at church (thats right ppl, i was IN leadership) and got into a relationship with Jake (Kailee's biological father - aka 'Sperm Donor') n after only 2mths with him, i found out i was pregnant. I had to confront the Pastors as well as the other leaders i was working alongside and admit to them that i had indeed had sex before i was married and was pregnant and was stepping down from all my leadership roles. Fair enuff - i screwed up and made the effort to better my life n do the right thing for my unborn child. I won't pretend that i had it easy when ppl at church found out i was pregnant.... the dirty looks i got from certain ppl was ridiculous - but i brushed that all aside. THIS TIME: I was on the worship team at church - which i had worked towards for a while as Kailee was growing up, and then i met James.... once again i started getting "judged" for things i wasn't doing (i.e. getting judged for James living with me, when in fact he didnt). I was called a $lut n verbally attacked by a 'friend' from church. James and I both made the decision to leave the church as we didnt want to be part of a 'family' that is quick to jump to assumptions and attack someone else. We later moved in together and started trying for a baby of our own.... in no way was i pretending to be a moral christian as i no longer attended church. Plain and simple, i was a sinner! Then again aren't we all?? lol I just wasn't playing "christian" on a Sunday and then sinning on the Monday.

We all know what happened next - James left me and i found out that i was already pregnant when he broke off our 1.5yr relationship. I had forgiven the friend that had attacked me for apparently 'living' with James (when we weren't) and things were okay with her and I. I made the choice to do something postive for myself and Kailee and get my life back on track and start going back to church - thinking i would find support and friendship there.... i mean, this IS the church i have been going to for nearly 10yrs!! Long story short.... i've already mentioned the comment made by one person about "are you sure its James' baby".... now more recently, (in the last month or so) i have been told that in some way i may be encouraging other ppl to sin and go out and have sex before marriage, since ppl see that i'm happy about having a baby. C'mon!! I didn't say i was happy about the circumstances it happened in - ideally, i would have preferred to be married. I was asked how if i had grown up in church and knowing right from wrong, how i got myself into this situation of having another baby out of marriage, etc. The thing that puzzles me - is the person who asked is married and has never had a child outside marriage *sigh*. Surely they aren't going to grasp what life is like in a situation they have NEVER been in.

So after being made to feel like i'm some awful evil person - i was able to come back with some quick intelligent responses to these comments and questions. For instance - everyone in that church sins - whether they repent of it and are forgiven or are continuing to sin.... for me, my sin is on display for everyone to see for 9mths. Once bub is born ppl surely can say "well she sinned but that's in the past" - but regardless of the fact that i haven't been with anyone since James it doesn't seem to matter. All that matters is that i'm pregnant and i'm not married - who cares this is a result of a sin i commited FOUR MONTHS AGO! *sigh*

At the end of the day - it's only small minded ppl that feel they have a right to judge ppl. I'll continue to hold my head up high knowing that while i did the wrong thing, i'm now living with it and making the most of the situation i'm in. It's been and done - time moves on and so should ppl. It's unfortunate that some ppl can't seem to move on from MY sin - what does the bible say? Pull the log outta ur own eye before pulling the speck outta someone else's. Maybe these ppl need to re-read some scripture! All that should matter is what i do with my life NOW and not what i did in the past. Move on ppl - we're over it! *groan*

The latest on us and bean!

Friday 15.05.09

I must admit, i've been the slackest blogger these past few months. Seems i had lots to vent about when it was all revolving around the "James saga/drama". Now i have nothing to whinge, complain and vent about - or so it seems lol So guess this will have to be a "good" update blog :D

I had an awesome holiday with my 'other family' down in Caboolture for over a week. It pretty much consisted of sleeping in, good food, great company, noisy squealing kids, and best of all - no ex's in town! LOL So all in all, less stress!! Kailee had the time of her life - as usual and none of the kids wanted Kailee and I to go home. But.... i had to as i had another Antenatal appt at the hospital and was eager to hear bean's little heartbeat again... u never tire of hearing it at each appt!!

My 17wk checkup at the hospital antenatal clinic went well. Nothing to worry about, no swelling (otherwise known as Odema), already feeling movements and big kicks which i LOVE (midwife was amazed i've been feeling bub move since 10wks!), and cheeky little bean kept running away from the doppler (device used to hear bubs heartbeat through my stomach) and hiding... so after 3 goes the midwife finally got a good reading of the heartbeat. A nice healthy 154bpm - exactly the same as last month's appt. I dont need to go back until another 4wks time but am really excited to book my big 19wk u/s (ultrasound) next week, for the end of the month (in less than 2wks time) and hopefully find out what i'm having!! Kailee is still sure i'm having a girl and so far i have a girl's name chosen so i'm prepared for more pink. If it's a boy on the other hand.... i still got some thinking until i'm definite about the name. Either way i'll be equally as happy and blessed!!

So watch this space - i'll have some news within the next fortnite hopefully. Will it be a cheeseburger (girl) or a hotdog (boy)?? Lemme know what you all think - so far the majority of friends are predicting a boy... and my gut isn't telling me a thing. So i dont know either way!!

.......Till then guys and girls........